Marriages may be made in Heaven, but they have to be tuned and polished in ???
This Is The Biggest Secret Never Told. Marriage is a People Making Machine.
Follow along in this 3 Blog Series to learn the Myths about Marriage from a Marriage and Intimacy Counselor.
No one really thinks that a life like this is the reason for a happy marriage.
It cannot be that life is always good and we never have to go through anything or nothing bad challenges us.
But here is a SECRET MARRIAGE MYTH you have to know. You probably have heard a friend or family member say this one.
“IF THEY EVER CHEAT ON ME, I COULD NEVER EVER STAY WITH THEM. IT IS OVER!!”.
By the end of this blog I will tell you the percent of couples that researchers estimate stay together. You will be shocked.
So if it is not a given that you are going to break up or divorce because there has been an affair then how are you ever going to “get over it”.
Couples routinely, especially the hurt partner, routinely say to me “I love my partner, I love our life, but I don’t see HOW I AM EVER GOING TO MAKE IT THROUGH THIS?”
The betraying partner says, “I feel so horrible, I can’t believe what I have done, I just want this to go away, I just want it to be over.” and “They are never going to stop thinking about this, I don’t know how I can live like this.”
So if you are in this situation or have a friends dealing with this, you can imagine that both people just want this whole thing to go away. We want to move on, they say, so we can go on with our life. We want to get on with it, forgive, just go on with our life.
That makes great sense that we all would want that. However, if you want to be in the group of couples that makes it through pay close attention.
WHATEVER YOU DO, MAKE SURE THAT YOU DO NOT DO THIS!!!!
Couples routinely come to my office saying the following, 5 or 10, 15 years after an affair having tried to sweep it under the rug. They attempted to forgive fast and try to move on, but it just doesn’t work. “Why can’t we just get over this?” , they wonder.
Emotional and Physical Affairs are intimate injuries to the most special part of a couple, their CONNECTION, SECURITY AND TRUST.
You would not sustain a puncture wound to any other part of your body and just cover it up and go on. No you would infect, abscess even cause gangrene to that whole part of the body.
If that is your foot, maybe you can go on, but if that is your heart I doubt you can go on in the rest of your relationship with a injured or closed off heart. Then to go on building your relationships on punctured, wounded, cutoff hearts is an extremely dangerous and serious move.
No matter if they say they forgive you without the correct care for the injury it will not stay under the rug, it will not be healed and it is lying ready to pop out in the relationship for the years to come.
You may not know this but there are actually two separate injuries that occur with affairs.
1. This is obvious, they broke the personal intimate promise that we had for our special connection.
2. They DECEIVED, TRICKED, FOOLED you and made you question reality as you know it with them. Your Trust.
Both of these injuries need a particular type of healing to really heal from the affair.
Sometimes there is a one time event that happens and you come clean. That is a different type of process to heal. The affairs that ongoing and hidden, whether emotional relationships physical truly involve deception.
Well, so do you just go to counseling and talk about your feelings back and forth a couple times and all with be well. NO, NO, NO, NO.
It is crucial that you receive the right care for the type of injury you have had to the relationship. What is the right type of care.
You have to seek out a professional who knows how to provide what is called “Affair recovery”. Now even if it was EMOTIONAL betrayal that still is is the realm of the injuries that this type of counseling provides. The dynamics are often the same. So a therapist trained to this type of therapy knows specifically how to treat those intimate and intricate injuries.
Watch a free video to learn all about Affair Recovery with Monica. Click on the blue Affair Recovery Button.
You need a therapist who knows how to help you Atone for the Affair, Attune back into one another, and if possible re-Attach into a new more honest and sturdy relationship.
This process helps you heal and even Affair Proof your marriage.
Are you ready for the big secret. Researchers commonly site a typical estimate for couples to remain together after an affair is 72%. Yes! we do stay.
And since we stay it is our job to heal, grow in touch and create the marriage we want to be a part of.
So despite the myths that marriages break up after affairs, despite what your family and friends might be urging you to do in anger, couples do stay together.
If you want to save your family, the life you built, and your marriage, ………………………………..then the odds are in your favor!!
With the right care, and careful healing and rebuilding it CAN BE DONE!! It happens evey day in front of my eyes.
Look for my next Blog that Shares another Secret Marriage Myth that is commonly believed.
So what is the Key, What is the secret. It is one important act during times of hardship orsupset, so important that it rul
A HAPPY ONE
Well This Is The Next Best Thing To The Secrets You Were Never Told